Utopian Zenith

[Jan. 15th, 2006|03:32 am]

[	Feel...	\|	fucking sad	]
[	Listen...	\|	im not okay__my chemical romance	]

as i was browsing my friends page, i see the people that became and fell apart and suddenly begin to question: what went wrong?

in my relationships i've had my ups and downs and it was always been like that. it took me several reasons and maybe a bit of excuses for me to end the relationship but what does it take to let it fall like that. dont ask me why but then again, it is just me being so curious about things again. its as if. i am walking towards something that i yearn to have once again.

yes, im missing the feeling.

questions keep circling my mind asking so many things that i cant answer all at the same time. makes me wonder why do i have to feel this way. why do i have to gloat, to make things worse for me. why is it so hard to shut yourself up and just stay where you are. why should i feel that i should have something more when i have the things that i need.

why do we choose the things we want over the things we really need?

got any clues? i dont. okay jd, shut up now.

after a long time of absence...

[Jan. 10th, 2006|09:04 pm]

[	Feel...	\|	dumbass!	]
[	Listen...	\|	hey jealousy__gin blossoms	]

here are some new artworks that i hope you'll love.

( click here )

got this from an email. can anybody relate?	[Nov. 25th, 2005\|02:25 pm]
What Hurts letting go of a person u've just learned to love reminiscing the good times u shared together shielding ur heart to love somebody trying to hide what u really feel trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from ur eyes loving a person too much giving up someone u never thought of giving up having the right love at the wrong time taking the risk to fall in love again hiding ur relationship from someone else controlling ur feelings to avoid hurting a friend thinking of him every waking and sleeping moment knowing all the while that he never even thinks a single thought of you... letting go, because everytime you see the person, you only fall deeper holding back only to find out when it's too late, you both felt the same way, but were only scared to lose each other so much that you didn't let the feelings out falling inlove with someone you didnt mean to fall inlove with finding the perfect guy...with only one prob....he doesnt love you...the way you want him to... helping the one you love "make ligaw" to your friend seeing the one you love crying for someone else the waiting also hurts like hell having to hear "... I've met someone" agreeing to his wish to 'just be friends'. asking his freedom back bcoz 'he'd be happier with her' asking u to 'forget that everything happened' and be 'normal' friends again. hearing that u're treated as a little sis (ouch!) sharing his future plans for the girl with you. u stopped being friends bcoz his gf asked him to. being denied in front of people. telling u lies where he'd been when actually, he was with a 'new friend' or an 'old flame' (whew!) he told u he'd be leaving u to return to his ex (d one he left 4 u!) breaking someone's heart fighting for that one thing that would make you happy that is, holding on to a person who can not guarantee you his commitment unless he fix himself...then, you are left hanging for the moment...then he says, time will tell...ang labo lang niya...but you still decided to hope in him and trust him PRETENDING you're OK when inside you're dying... PRETENDING to be strong.... and RECOGNIZING your weakness lying in bed each night, thinking of that special person you can never have... being with someone you can't actually love... pretending you don't love a person whom you actually love... being in love... letting go even if you really don't want to...having no right to say you are hurting because it was your decision seeing the person you love hurt because of you...are not being able to help that person... having the courage to say I LOVE YOU to the person you love and finding out afterwards that things will never be the same again when he doesnt treat you with the same closeness as before having to face the fact that someone is capable of completely destroying the wall that you have set for yourself, leaving you weak and vulnerable admitting that you love someone despite his imperfections finding out that the more you try to hate him, the more you end up loving him, perhaps even more than before realizing how stupid your mistakes were that led to your break-up. the thought that this guy, used to really love you and you loved him as well kaso you didn't give enough and he gave up on you na Sharing the one you love with SOMEBODY else....." making a promise....and realizing that when the time has come for that promise to be delivered....the commitment is no longer there... the hardest thing about love - believing it exists. After you've been hurt......learning to forgive ...learning to trust and love again But the hardest thing really is learning to love yourself. We always forget to do this. Always.
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What City Do You Belong In?

[Nov. 17th, 2005|04:12 pm]

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern.

A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock.

A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything.

No wonder you and London will get along so well.

You are White Chocolate

You have a strong feminine side with a good bit of innocence thrown in.

Whether your girlish ways are an act or not, men like to take care of you.

You are an understated beauty, and your power is often underestimated!

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

Men See You As Desirable

Men often find you immediately attractive and sensual

You're honesty is refreshingly beautiful ... it draws guys in

You are also able to be open with your feelings with no emotional baggage

Packing light means you enjoy new relationships easily

How Do Men See You?

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone.

You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well.

Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.

How Well Do You Understand Men?

dont you just hate these motherfuckers!

[Nov. 17th, 2005|03:55 pm]

[	Feel...	\|	fuckin lazy	]
[	Listen...	\|	game of love__santana ft. michelle branch	]

dont you just hate haters?

haters are the type of people to put up a face in
front of you and then stab you at the back
afterwards. they are people who do not have a life
and just wants to get a lot of things they cannot
have.

it's simple how these stupid people work.

they run here and there...entering into other
people's businesses without even knowing that they
are already ruining either a relationship or
simply a life not of their own. at times they
would appear friendly and just plain innocent but
deep inside lies the real filthy intention of just
having to satisfy themselves by getting what they
want and need to see others suffer in silence. its
sad that they have to be in this kind of situation
that at times, people like us just stay silent and
do nothing because of PITY.

the reasons?

unknown but there are still some evidently
hypothesis to this.

envy.
jealousy.
greed.
lust.

but they dont stay hidden for a long time. people
who would notice these kinds of behavior would
somehow appeal and would say something otherwise
because a person can just hold somethingup to this
much and if provoked or triggered, would somehow
fight these people who pretty much just as
assholes and bitches on one's life dont you think?

some things can never remain unsaid and unnoticed
because even if we deny it, REALITY BITES and THE
TRUTH SUCKS.

so to all of the people who have encountered these
kind of people, hope that you will learn to
somehow stand up for yourself and try to fight
them. you are stronger than what you think and
what you feel. you are the better ones and not
them. them, they are simply matters of the weak
mind. they do not matter but will you wait for
them to ruin your life before you take some actions?

just recite to yourself people:

"HATE ME COZ YOU HATE ME BUT DONT HATE ME COZ YOU
AINT ME"

a little something extra for the ladies:

"BIG GIRLS DONT CRY, THEY GET EVEN"

[Nov. 8th, 2005|04:38 pm]

[	Feel...	\|	so fuckin happy now	]
[	Listen...	\|	away from the sun__3 doors down	]

things that happened.

1. last sunday we broke up.
2. monday night i went out to dinner and went clubbing in vine street lounge.
3. im fixing up kevin to his fullest in the weeks and months to come.

shit. im busy.

wenesday night is salsa night. anyone care to join?

im loving single life again. never thought id be this free.

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[Nov. 4th, 2005|04:45 pm]

[	Feel...	\|	fuckin lazy	]
[	Listen...	\|	when im gone__3 doors down	]

Quotes of the Day:

"never question if you are in love or not, because if you were you wouldnt need to ask"

"love is not about finding the right person but creating the right relationship. its not how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build til the end."

"when it rains, look for the rainbow."

"dont let false love fool you but dont let true love pass you by"

fucking sentimental.

i love it when im chillaxin in the house. somehow it gives me the alone time i need to think things out. i slept for a good 14 hours i guess not to mention that i slept 7 hours last night woke up for about 30 minutes and slept again and woke up after 7 hours again. whoa...that's one hell of a sleeping time. i've never really had a good sleep since 2 weeks ago and somehow, i love this day.

never really got to do something. i was too lazy too to get some work done. aside from me cleaning up Kevin and waxing him like crazy, its all good. that's the only protuctive thing that i've done so far.

fuck that. im loggin off.

[Nov. 3rd, 2005|06:47 pm]

[	Feel...	\|	somewhat happy	]
[	Listen...	\|	broken sonnet__hale	]

i feel better now.

i thought that i'd never feel somehow relieved about a lot of things for the past few days. it was all so shitty but now somehow, all i can say is that, whatever it is, i'm contented with what i have right now. im thankful that somehow, you cannot always get what you want but then again, you can always have what you need. people cant always please you and you cannot always please people...you cannot force yourself into people who dont appreciate who you are and you cannot always be good all the time.

so right now, im still lucky to have realized that even if people would not care about you, there are still others..and many more i might add who would. that if someone is not there to love you on that moment, God would send someone to fill that void, that empty space. it may not always be how you would have wanted it but the idea of a blessing in disguise in someone and many other people is something that i would always be thankful for.

"to the world, you may be one person but to one person you may be the world."

thank you is never enough.

[Oct. 29th, 2005|02:35 pm]

[	Feel...	\|	i love my new laptop	]
[	Listen...	\|	missing you __case	]

there's a lot of transformation in things right now.

i got a new laptop coz i sold my old one.
im getting new rims for Kevin and you'll see my baby transform.
my phone has mp3s now

im lovin it...the next thing il know is that my car is going to be all fixed up. im actually saving up for new light and shit. yipee!

a shout out to my bestfriend. thought we'd never reach 6 years and i thought that we'll never be this good in a long time. i've forgiven you bro and you know that. its so good to hear your voice again and its good to know that we're still the best. God bless and see you when you get here.